Wandering

Well...it took a week away from Grafton, but I think I'm on my "path".

Just to let you in on something - for the last 10 months, I've really just been wandering. You know, like when you go window shopping, and you just walk at half pace. Really pissing off the people around you, because, THEY have lives and are rushing at a million miles an hour to race in and grab that necessary item and race off home again. Well...I've been wandering. Not really knowing where I was going. Not really planning where I was headed next.

I did know that my metaphorical path in the woods had a few twists and turns, and at some point started branching out in different directions. But that didn't really bother me for a while. I was just wandering along at my own, newly slowed down, pace and admiring the utter "greeness" of the trees, the grass, the flowers. Marvelling at the simple pleasure in sitting on the front deck in the sun at lunch. Overwhelmed with too much free time.

Eventually, for a goal oriented freak like me...that starts to tire. You know...not now...but soon. I can feel it. Not far away - the "B" word. NO not bitch...Bored! And a trifle...stressed. Well not really stressed, just kind of worried about my direction. Where am I going...What am I doing? Where is my plan?

So, now that I've had my week in Brisbane, I can see...Grafton will eventually become boring. OF course I love it here. It's a paradise. For god's sake...we are the only place in the world not in a DROUGHT. Well...probably not the world - I'm thinking that there would be some places not in Drought...but you get the point. We are GREEN here people...

Flying to Sydney every now and again also stirs the pot. When I was raising my kids (not that I'm not still raising them...but you know, the really hands on stuff when they're 5) Sydney would have been not unlike, for example, Beirut, in my eyes. When I was 19 it was AWESOME.

I think, it's verging on becoming exciting again. However. It's going to be just too expensive though. I certainly couldn't afford a house - not unless I luck into an EXCEPTIONALLY well paying job.

Anyhoo. I've at least defined my direction. Either at the end of this year, or at the latest by the end of next year - I'm moving out of Grafton. I realise...Jenna will need Year 10 through 12 in one place, if she has any hope of doing well. And I just can't wait 4 years in Grafton for her to finish school. Once you look at the reality of it all, I only have the next year or 18 months left to decide what to do.

And voila! I stop stressing about my wandering. Something will fall in my lap. And it will be exciting and challenging and fun!